After All...

After a log tym...Today is the day i get to meet him...:)......Nthing much to say coz i might b afraid tat things does wrong again..hopefully..nthing will happen...

Should I call/msg to wish him Happy Birthday?Silence?

11 July makig me feels disturbed...Wanting n Looking forward in celebrating my x love birthday... But Failed to do it, i guess... Again.. I felt depressed wenever i tink about him...

Lately I was so afraid that my menses didnt hit on the date... I was happy wen it came tis morning.. I was so worried that something might had happen..Who knows.. Maybe after all, i dun need to worry anymore...Not anymore..

Well.. Im moving on now.... But still, i do miss him...

Remembered what he said to hurt me badly... .. "I fucking regret knowing u. I would have listen to kay to leave u long ago.."

Yayaya.. im unluncky...But at least i know god do loves me.. unlike some people..They tense to b angry n wondering the power fact in The Al-Mighty...hmmmz.... I dun wanna mentioned anyone here...

Hope his happy n peacful now...That wat i cn do to pray for him..All the best..Still running up in my mind,wthr i should message/call him later to wish him Hapi Birthday...

But....

Remember he mentioned.. "Dun ever let me see your fucking face here ever again"... But thats includ my voice too? Will he be angry if i call n Wish Him?Im confused.. Just a Wish, So tat i wont feels so bad in failing to celebrate his 26 Birthday...

Errr..How I wish That i Wiill say this to Him... Theres Nothing much that i can do or make u happy.. But jus a Wish from me to u.. Happy 26th Birthday Dear.May God give u the best present ever.. Thats is ur Happiness that u ever want..

tHiNgS ThAt iVe DoNe 2 MoVe oN....

Things that Ive done to Move On:

Enjoying myself to the chalet..
- The only thing if he were to follow me as it planned, I would be very happy... Still Ive been enjoying myself alon..Yeah alone in a chalet..

Changed my mobile number..

and the most surprising part is...

Hr Department frm NEA called me to come for an interview..
@
West Coast Community Club..
Got to Alight at Clementi Mrt ad take bus 282 frm e Interchange...

[Was surprised to hear Clementi..Argghh!! Clementi Again!!]

Im looking forward in that Job... :)

Wheres my........

Where's my HSBC??

MJ

Watching e Live channel ons MJ Ceromony..

Again....Ending.....

Cried..

It happened again..Tis time it would be real... Im deeply wounded..From the day one, i know myself was unlucky.. I Dun need to wait for "the somebody"to say that.. As far as im concern, ALLAH do loves me.. I believed that.. Not like certain people.. wen they re angry, they would jus say things abt god.give up n everything.. I dun knw hw to interperate actuali..

Wanting him was deeply Painful.. Its Hurtssssss..

Supposedly we planned for e 3 days 2 Night Chalet..Haizz..Nthing much to say abt this.. But i can tell u something tt heat me up tt day was tat The prawn,sate,cuttlefish and chicken seaweed had flung to e dustbin.. Yeah never thinking abt giving it to my siblings to yummy..

Now hes gone.. He meant was his saying now i guess.. "Never Let me see ur fucking face ard anymore"........Yeah tats wat he said... So...Im free now..All by my own..With tears n my numb minds along with me...

Gone...Gone...Gone..

Extrodinary!!!

I cant expres how happy I am today... I love u Baby.. Nothing can change me for that..Thanks for e effort dear.. I Love u dear..Always Do!!!!

Knife By Rockwell

You touched my life
With a softness in the night
My wish was your command
Until you ran
Out of love
I tell myself I'm free
Got the chance of living just for me
No need to hurry home
Now that you're gone
CHORUS
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life
When I pretend when I smile
To fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
It's just a show
I'm on a stage day or night
I go through my charades
But how can I disguise
What's in my eyes
(Repeat CHORUS)
Oh oh oh oh oh ...
I try and try locking up
The pain I feel inside
The pain of wanting you
Wanting you
(Repeat CHORUS)

Do u Remember This?

Sakura City Hall..Ben n Jerry.Sakura Buffet Orchard.. .Mac @ Orchard after e Notty Gurl..Cinemas.. Popeye..Rocky Master..Bugis..ICA..Hotels..Mee Pok.. Cycling..Arcade Timezone..Valentine..Prawn Fishing..Fishing n Crabbing.. Pitching Tent..Mustafa Center..Bird Park..Crocodile Farm..Sentosa..Botanic Garden..Marina Barrage..Esplanade..Sisha @ Nabins..Zam-Zam..East Coast..Changi Beach...Woodlands Mart..Arnolds..Lane 16 Prata..Outside Gap - Orchard..Mr Prata..Far East..Pacific Plaza(Fossil)..Center Point..

Syg?Mamun Singh?Love?Together Forever?Sorry?Promise?Touch?Hug n Kisses?Tears?Smell?Forehead Kiss?Hand Kiss?Smile?Laughter?Change?Mamin Singh?HSBC?Jingarokman?Mamun?ketuk dengan kuali?Fifi Busuk??Fifi Ngompol??Wallet in e River?Nak?Sliirrpp?Bluek?

GONE

He's Gone...Move On Fi...

After all.. Im Speechless..What I can say is.. Its Painful.Its Hurtful...The cut is getting Deeper.. Im lost..Can I Move on Now...

All the Best to u Fifi...Stop crying now..Enuf for Today..Ur parents needs u..Be near to god Fifi.. U will get better..trust me...

As for now.. trying asking around Cik Suryati, whos was my x coursemates in CSP, abt e "Mengaji n Fardu Ain"... Mayb tat will get me better..Hopefully.... Seriously Im lost...

The one who used to give me some guidance no longer here in my life... Gone far apart. I got dump.. I cant believe it.. yeah..mayb u deserve it Fifi...Gone to waste..Waste...

Let it Go Fi... If u really love him, you should let him Go... Let him be happy...

Arghhh..Anthr xplanation need to be made...What can i say if my Families were to as?...Arrgghhh...Y u so cruel dear.... I hate things when come to this...

Changing number?? Necessary??

Problematic!! Jubilation Betol La..

Haizzz.. Encountering problem with my M1 Sim card... Arrrgghhh!!!! Cannot Call n Sms Out...All e topup gone to waste!!!Not even after i tried to put tat Sims in my sister hp....

Arrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gone Prawn Fishing Later....... Hope i Find Peace There...
Bishan Park here i Come..

Lari,lari,lari..

1. Kau Seorang yang Penyayang
2. Sabar menunjukkan aku ke pangkar jalan yg benar.
3. kau yg seLalu Jujur...

"Baik aku pergi..tinggalkan dirimu...sejauh mungkin untuk Melupakan"..

kerana Sebab Pertama dan Kedua tidak aku rasai..Hilang dan pergi... haruskan aku tunggu dan sabar hanya untuk sebab yg ketiga? Cinta? Cinta yg menyakitkan..Atau aku harus terus sabar..

Biar saja tuhan yg tentukan..Aku hanya harap kau sedari dan jangan selalu Menyalahkan Aku...Kini semuanya berlalu pergi meninggalkan diri ku... Semoga tuhan beri aku kekuatan untuk tempuhi rintagan ini...

Ending of Love...

Cna yuo raed tihs?

Cna yuo raed tihs?
Olny 55% of plepoe can.

I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor
of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig
to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it dseno’t mtaetr in waht
oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are,
the olny iproamtnt
tihng is taht the frsit
and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the
huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
fi yuo cna raed tihs,
palce yuor cenmomt hree.

............

Andai sampainya waktu aku harus tinggalkan mu
Akan aku berlalu bila tiba saat itu

Hanya tuhan yang lebih tahu
Susah senang hidup dengan mu
Sumpah janji semakin layu
Hingga kini jatuh satu persatu
Engkau membiarkan ku

Mengapa dari dulu tak kau kata kan padaku
Kehadiranku ini menyusahkan

Yang terhalang kejujuranmu
Dan yang terbilang kesilapanku

Biar apa jua tafsiran
Yang ingin kau nyatakan
Aku rela terima semua....

Letting Go of my iPhone?

Im confuse in making decision now.. Just got it restore the other day and it got back to Normal.. Normal as in - Not much Application n Games.. Im sick n tired of this..N Well... Cydia is the one im looking for.. Argghh... But still got to JailBreak tat Software, i guess..

Yeah..mayb soon.. Got to let go of the phone.. No longer useful to me either..

30 June..SoMeOnE's BiRtHdAy!!

Well.. He was sleeping soundly wen b4 i could gave his Birthday Present @ 2.50am..Hahaxx..No pariticular thing in mind actualli.. I hope he loves it.. Well.. I guess he will be away tomorrow with his friends.. But hows about e "Doa Selamat"? hmmzz.. Mummy already prepared the milk n e bananas for him.. U guys might wondering whats that for huh.. haha..its a normal traditions in most of the muslim families.. Thats depends too..

Refrain

I knew it!! The lovely moments would End..Back here again im dissapointed..

I jus felt numb here.. Wondering what will come next.. I jus hope everything will be Over.. As in, if theres a continuing fight, please let us be apart.. If he's meant to b for me,god.please give me all the patience and ve better brain-ass to understand him..

Well now, Im refraining from thinking about him.. Though its hard for me.. Again I got to be strong..Its hurtful...Real PainfuL.. Whatever ive done is wrong to his eyes now.. Im just sick n tired to understand u all day long. Y shld i wen u dun satisfy me will all ur attitudes. Jus because of the wrong words, u re punishining me?.. Look, im just a hopeless lady here..

ARGGGHH!!!!!!

Fuck your Fucking Thoughtless Comments about Me.

Remember me being supportive with everything you did before...
With everything you do now...
Even trying to change myself n understand u everytime...
i never voice out any complains.
thats because i absolutely think you deserve to live your own life
And i am happy if you are happy.
Do whatever you want to do.
Go ahead.

Thats because we were in Relationship.
Having Love supposed to be supportive and understanding each other needs.
But u n Your fucking inconsiderate and foul mouth.

Do you care about how i feel when you say those things?
Sorry if i didnt. It was a mistake..
N
How can u be so fucking insensitive and still dont get me?
The word "Love Forever" seems dont fit us anymore.
I am completely upset about it, Yes.
Whatever, why would i care about it anyway?
Do you even care about my feeling?
Wait, do you EVER care Now?

My Beautiful Man

I love my Darling!! Nothing could get any better, and if it did, I'd be shocked because we're perfect now. I've never felt like this in my entire life, and I am more excited than ever to start a life with him. Every day it's something new, everyday I fall more and more in love. the most beautiful man, and the life I've always wanted, way earlier than I expected.

But how long tis can Be?

Michael Jackson - Mikaeel Abdullah

I heard Michael Jackson (Mikaeel Abdullah) is a Muslim ever since 21 November 2008 . May Allah bless him.

I still can't believe that Michael Jackson died, I thought it was all those HoLLywood rumours. All day long the radio played for Michael Jackson tribute, from Billie Jean to Thriller to Heal the World. Its really sad. My mom woke me up at 7am screaming, "Michael Jackson died", that is the thing I need to get my ass off the bed, I ran to the tv screen and I called my Love to confirmed on his death.. I went to check online in yahoo , it's true, I didn't get to tweet as the page load really slow. feeling a lil' upset and its really shocking. I was waiting for his London concert to be on youtube so that I can watch, and now his dead, so young. He's the best singer and dancer. May Allah bless you, Rest in peace. Cherish the one you love.

" Heal The World. Make It A Better Place. For You And For Me. And The Entire Human Race. "

Will I Ever Hit 22?'

Those who have added me in MSN would have realized that my private nickname was written as 'Will I ever hit 22?' I am very sure that some of you have asked me and some might have been wondering what I meant by that. And yea! That is exactly what I am going to explain here.

During my secondary school years, I have always been having this dream, in fact - the very same dream that states that I will die in a most horrific road accident when I am 22. Ironically, the dream have stopped quite a while until recently. Maybe this is due to the fact that my 22th birthday is just around the corner.

Anyway, I believe that some of you would feel what is so big deal of my dream isn't it? After all a dream is just a dream but yea, try to think of it. Would not you feel scared if you have a same dream for few weeks consecutively, whenever you are asleep? How would you react to it? Would you try to stop thinking about it and pray that it would not at all be true? or Would you try lying to yourself and not caring at all on what does this dream actually means?

As for my part, I will take this dream as form of message which is meant to conveyed to me - even though I do not know what messages are there behind this dream. Though I am not ready to die at such a young age just yet, I would still prefer to stay optimistic and believes that there is at least a form of message for me, apart from death itself.

Despite all this, if my dream which I have always been having meant that I were fated to leave this earth anytime soon, I would like to say this to all my families, friends, relatives. Thanks to all of you for always being there all along. And if, I have commit any wrong to you in the past, please forgive me.

In contrast, if this dream represent something else apart from my death, I will take it as a second chance which is being given to me by god. At such, I promise that I will pledge to be a much better person by taking the past as another learning journey in my life. Take care all :)

Missing Him..

Well, I still cant believe a young 24 lovely guy left me all alone here without any words... Ive been wondering y couldnnt i stop thinking and hallucinate abt him.. Im missing him badly..

Though It have been almost 3 weeks he left, I could feel tat he's still around. Somehow, Flashing back the moments that I had with him, we fought over an iPod.. Yeah i can still remember, he's eagling my iPod but I didnt give it to him as i knw it will never be in my hand again... Hmmzzz...Small arguements started.. He's calling me Selfish..Hugh.. Yeah I missed him, badly,real badly..

Abg, I really missed u..Badly.. I really tot that we could celebrate hari Raya this year together, but god love u most.....

Love u Muhammad Yassier Ezhaq Bin Muhd Abdul Ghar.

1945 - A msg frm him

A long message frm him.. Muhammad Hafiz Ariffin..No longer be Mine... Seems he still blaming me for everything..Nah.. Its hard for me till now... I dun want thing to be repeat.. It hurts.. Let it Hurts now.. Keeping myself bz, doesnt help.. Not at all... Well.. at least i knw.. Hes leaving me too!!! Not answering any of my calls.. Cool rite.. Hmmmzzz..So i guess we re even.. Even Thoughts.. nah.. I got to be strong.. N believe in God this time...

I jus hope he find someone that can really understand him and even take good care of him.. His feelings and everything... Crying cant stop everything either..

Mayb, I need my own space.. Going out, like before... Chilling till e late nite.. Yeah.. But not repeating the same mistakes again.. I knw tat.. Mayb.. First step ahead is to go Prawn Fishing..Could that help? Nah lets try.....................................

SeLf-TaLk

Sudah la fi...Life gt to move on... Buat apa kau nak menyesal.. Sekurang-kurangnya..kau cuba nak berubah...Apa yg kau buat da luar daripada kemampuan kau. Kalau dia dah tak boleh terima kau, apa lagi yg kau leh buat.. Takkan kau nak langgar takdir Allah,fifi... jadi lah seorang insan yg kuat. jangan mengaku kalah pada diri sendiri.. Tak pe fi..kau mengalah sekarang..Insyallah ada hikkmah..

Kalau dia betol sayangkan kau, dia terima kau seadaanya. Dia tkkan herdik kau..Sebesar mana salah kau..dia tk sepatut buat kau macam tu.. Yang penting kau tau diri kau.. Yang kau tk pernah curang dan tak pernah tipu dia... Kalau itu dia tk boleh terima, apa lagi masa depan.. Dia nk kau faham dia.. Pernah dia faham perasaan kau? Ya. Memang dia baik, tapi tk semestinya baik, kau akan dapat la fifi.. Jangan mimpi.. Janji U ve tried ur Very best...Move on Fifi..Move On.. Tak semestinya cinta itu, kita akan da n harus miliki.. Mungkin ini yang terbaik buat dia..Dan mungkin juga untuk kau.

(AKu kan Pergi, Membawa diri... Tidak aku fahami mengapa ini terjadi..Peristiwa pahit mengguris hatiku.. Sebaiknya aku pergi sejauh mungkin untukku melupakan dirinya.. Haruskah?)

Dragging me to Hell

The problems tat u been through, i understand.. Ur Money running out.. Ur parents.. Ur bills.. Ur degree.. Ur werk.. Yes.. I do understand.. Nt only the word understand tat i meant.. I knw wat u been thru.. N i cn feel it.. But one Thing tat i couldnt understand.. Its all about U... Ur anger..

Once u show n teaches me.. How to control anger n respect people.. But now i didnt see anyting in u.. Jus bcoz of mistakes u got mad over me. i tink u shld get or do something on ur anger management.. jus because of questions tat ive thrown to u, u got mad.. Hey..wats wrong with u.. U re being unfair.. U re being selfish.. Arent u aware of tat?

I dont think i could work on tis anymore... U go la.. As u wish.. As u wish, u ask me to fuck off rite.. Coz i knw i miserably failed. Yes I failed! I give-up!!.. I cant take this anymore.. Its a nuisance in a relationship if i cant ask any questionS. So what if its a repeat questions? U re being unreasonable.At least ive tried to changed!

What ive done to u earlier is nt as much as wat u ve done to me nw... N then yet i changed.. U re now being the old HAFIEZA... I dun tink i need someone like u.. Yes.. I do love u.. Coz of ur positives mindsets and attitudes, but u dissapoint me..I cant understand ur anger..i cant..Im sorry.

U once cared, U always shows tat u will never giveup on me.. U making me put hopes on u... Remember Hafiz...I didnt fall for u during the first meet..After wen i knw u.. Ur type, Ur style..Ur attitude, Ur patience.. N then i truly fall.. Not as simple as tat to make me fall for someone..rmb?.. i tot u were different.. Smile, patience and strong.. But im wrong.. i told u, i dont mean to put all e stress on euu, but its my mistakes.. But y mus u get so angry?? Y? Y? Y? If u tink u dun love.. Then u move k...

Yeah.. Nw its my turn to say.. I dun see anything in our relationship.. Not even in the future. Even if i promise u, tat i will try my very best to changed, u wont rite.. It needs both hand to clap.. To make tings works.. If this gonna continue, Then i leave..

Even if i were to ask or mayb console u to get better, u would simply be angry.. unreasonable... Im hurt dear. Im hurt.. Ive tried my best.. But I failed.. U wanna win rite?? Then Move.. The world re urs.. Go n settle ur problem k.. Coz i dun want to be ur burden, or mayb adding onto it...

Well Hafiz.. Im Sorry coz i cant be with u.Ur words shows tat Im nt good enuf for u. Hafiz please Forget me, and please dun ever come bck for me.. U re once a guy who win my heart, n u re the guy who hold to ur words.then let it b... tats y I Love u but I tink its better for us to move.coz ur love is dragging me to hell.. Hopefully one day u find someone better... Please dont burst ur tears.. Just go dear..

take care dear...

bye

A Morning Call

Unexpectedly. Wen i was deadly sleeping i received a call frm his mum.. Asking me to accompany her. To an Open-House. Well.. Im fine with that as my relationship between Mak is Good. Very Good.

And then came to this conversation, wen Mak asked me,hows our relationship between me n Love. I was stunned. Trying to cover up something. But Mak was smarter than me. Thru my voice she knew it. And for me, i cant denied it either. I started burst into tears...

What i cn feels is the pain. The pain tat i got to bear. Maybe tis wat ppls saying. No pain no gain. Im one,whos still learning frm mistakes. Stupid mistakes. Im sorry if i hurt u dear. If only god will let me start all over again.I will never repeat the same mistakes again. Please come back to me. Let me love u. Im jus a gal whos changing to be a better lady. Let me be in ur heart. Forever. Laugh.Smile. Kiss.Hug and the One tat cn share problems with Each other.

Yeah im being unreasonable during e past.but im sure nw..Im better.. Much better. i dun knw how u find me but trust me dear. im getting better. i'll be a good gurl rite.mayb Im nt good enuf for u. I tried to understand and avoid all the things tat cn bring up trouble in our relationship, but again i miserably failed.

The way u told me. Maybe Kay is better than me. Yeah. i cn see tat. But didnt I told u earlier? The way I was to be. My character, My everything. Yet u insists.

Its hurts wen u talk about her. If u do feel hurt wenever i talk abt shuk e other day, y u comparing me n Kay. True enuf. She understand u well. She's supportive.

Well, if im not good enuf for u, what else cn i say. I rather U leave than keep on hurting me by all those words. I dun even knw wats gone into euu.

I just hope everything will be fine in the future ahead.. All i need is ur love. A little patience. I cnt stop loving u..I just cant stop.. Love u dear.

To my Beloved

The most toughest week among all my life has passed ever since my favourite cousin, Allahyarham Muhammad Yassier Eyzhaq Bin Mohd Abdul Ghar passed away, a week ago on 8 June 2009. For the past 7 days, I have been trying very hard to come back to my senses and I have been forcing myself to accept the fact that he (my favourite cousin) will no longer be here for me anymore.

The only reason which I can accept to believe that this has to happen is that our god, Allah s.w.t. - love him more and thus, he is fated to leave this cruel earth for eternity, much earlier than all of us had expected. Despite this, I will still miss him very much and will always remember his motivational support and kindness which he had given to me all along. Thanks a lot again brother for all the good deeds which you had done while alive. May Allah s.w.t. bless you to the fullest and may you be sent to heaven for eternity.